If you want to be more successful in your relationships at work and at home the best place you can spend your time is on developing your emotional intelligence.

We all want to be connected, feel important and valued. The way we connect as social being is heart to heart. Everything we do in a day effects our emotions. Even those who lead with their minds and are thinkers have a constant flow of feelings. Some of us shut down our connection and understanding of ourselves and others and this can lead to missing a lot of social cues that can range from misunderstandings in relationships to professional suicide as these build up over time.

Travis Bradberry and Jean Graves have found in researching over 500,000 people that emotional intelligence is the strongest driver for leadership, personal excellence and is the biggest predictor of success in the workplace. In fact, emotional intelligence is so important that it accounts for 58% of performance amongst most job types. Ninety percent of high performers are high in emotional intelligence.

If we break it down to simply connecting with people and making them feel special we can use this at home with our partners, children and friends AND in the workplace with our team, our customers and the board. How do we connect with people?

First, we need to know ourselves so that we are coming across as authentic and real. If you are not connected to your feelings, (i.e know what you are feeling) then you will not know what you are putting out there emotionally. If your people feel disconnected from you then you may be perceived as insincere, inauthentic and distant. Knowing your emotional reaction also helps you to identify when it is important to manage the build up of anxiety or anger before you say something that can be career or relationship ending.

The fix -take time to identify your feelings throughout the day for a few days. Keep checking in with yourself. Stress can lead to being short with others. Maybe you need to identify what is causing your stress and learn stress management. See my book Meditation NOW. Practice looking in the mirror to see what your face looks like as you would talk to someone at work or home. How would you feel with the interaction being on the receiving end. Do you look people in the eye as you communicate? Be with the person you are talking to and know how you are being perceived. You can always ask for feedback and let people know you are working on increasing your emotional intelligence.

Another quick fix is to make people feel appreciated. Find things you are grateful for in others. Be honest with your appreciation. So many places in our lives ask us to do the work and not look for the appreciation. One of the biggest hot buttons we have as human beings is not being appreciated and yet our culture tells us to do the work without complaining or looking for praise. HELLO – we need to feel valued and appreciated.

About the Author

Veronika has a PhD in Clinical Psychology and is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and a Board Certified Personal, Executive and Leadership Coach. She has been a psychotherapists in private practice for over 28 years as a Marriage and Family Therapist in California. She is certified as a Spiritual Intelligence Coach and Trainer through Deep Change. Veronika has done coaching and presentations in business, law enforcement, spiritual communities, Employee Assistance Programs, and with non-profit, county and state agencies since 1994. Read More About Veronika.

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